I saw you today. In a rainbow. 

And I wondered. 
I wondered what it would feel like to have you snuggled against me next to your brother. 

I wondered what parts of you would be just like him and what parts would be your own. 

I wondered if you would love the Moa Hunt book too. Or would your favourite be different. 

I wondered what it would be like to read to you, to talk to you, to touch you.

I wondered if we would have eating or crawling because you would have encouraged each other. 

I wondered if we would have had less talking because you would have had your own language together. 

I wondered what your sleeping would have been like and would you have cried much. 

I wondered what it would feel like to open my arms and have you both fall into them. 

I wondered if you would be the loud one or the fast one, or the rascal.

I wondered if you would have been a daddy’s boy. 

I wondered how we would have managed, but I know we would have. 

I wondered if your brother can feel you, if he misses you.

I wondered if you can feel him, if you miss him.

I wondered if you would have liked custard, or buttercream icing. 

I wondered if you know how much I desperately miss you and how much I wish everything were different. 

I wondered if you’re okay, wherever you are. 

I wondered if the days without you will get easier, and I know they won’t. 

And I wondered if the rainbow will ever know how much it means to us? 

See you on the other side. 

I went to the supermarket today. It was the last time our boy will go to the supermarket for the next three months. I sat in a cafe with him earlier in the week, it was the last time he will sit inside at a cafe for the next three months. We are off to a big gathering of people tomorrow, it’s the last group gathering he will go to for the next three months. 
I posted a little preparation to this back in April, but it’s here, it’s RSV season. So if we want our boy to stay away from a ventilator, if we want him to continue to grow up without added respiratory issues, if we want him to continue to slowly improve his eating then we need to do our very best to avoid him picking up RSV. Because it’s that easy, he could just pick up a toy or touch a table that someone carrying the RSV virus has touched after coughing into their hand and we’re toast. 

Here is the link to my previous post around RSV for a refresher: 

https://charlieandoliver.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/tis-the-season/
So the rules are back in full force folks. 

Please do NOT visit if you or someone near you has been sick (tickle in your throat? Sick. Drippy nose? Sick. Coughing? Sick. Feeling ‘under the weather’? Sick.) 

Please wash your hands thoroughly on arrival to our house and then use the sterigel provided roughly 10,000 times during your visit. 

Please understand when we decline your invitation to lunch or coffee. 

Please understand when we request to see you one at a time rather than all at once. 

Please remember this little boy has been on a ventilator three times in his short life and we are NOT aiming for a fourth. 

Please understand that we have already had to let one dream go and we are not for one second willing to risk his brother. 

It’s just three months folks, we are already planning the mischief we can get up to once it’s done!