And I wondered.
I wondered what it would feel like to have you snuggled against me next to your brother.
I wondered what parts of you would be just like him and what parts would be your own.
I wondered if you would love the Moa Hunt book too. Or would your favourite be different.
I wondered what it would be like to read to you, to talk to you, to touch you.
I wondered if we would have eating or crawling because you would have encouraged each other.
I wondered if we would have had less talking because you would have had your own language together.
I wondered what your sleeping would have been like and would you have cried much.
I wondered what it would feel like to open my arms and have you both fall into them.
I wondered if you would be the loud one or the fast one, or the rascal.
I wondered if you would have been a daddy’s boy.
I wondered how we would have managed, but I know we would have.
I wondered if your brother can feel you, if he misses you.
I wondered if you can feel him, if you miss him.
I wondered if you would have liked custard, or buttercream icing.
I wondered if you know how much I desperately miss you and how much I wish everything were different.
I wondered if you’re okay, wherever you are.
I wondered if the days without you will get easier, and I know they won’t.
And I wondered if the rainbow will ever know how much it means to us?